For my last birthday- it was 3 months ago. You forgot my birthday. Let’s not discuss it.- I received a bicycle from my parents!
Initially, I was skeptical. Will I ride this thing? Do I remember how? Will the urbanites run me over with their cars? But, I got on that metal pony, nonetheless. And, let me tell you, I had such a good time! I could get from my apartment to the train station in 5 minutes rather than having to walk the distance. I am lazy, after all. Also, I could ride right past all the people who want to stop and chat. Peace out, big mouths! It’s so nice to be anti-social again….
Neighbourhoods are becoming more and more bike-friendly. With public bikes showing up all over the place now, there’s increasingly less reasons to drive. Everyone should learn how to ride a bike, even if you don’t do it all the time. It’s true what they say, learning to ride a bike is as easy as learning to tweeze a chin hair. You stare down what you want and you grab it! Once you’ve figured out the art, it never leaves. You may have to adjust to the feeling of a bicycle “saddle (that’s what the pros call it) on your buns, but once you’re up there, you just peddle and go! If this paragraph hasn’t convinced you yet, here are more reasons to get your bike chain revving….
Top Reasons to Bike
You bought a bike. Maybe it was an impulse buy, maybe your drug dealer stole a bike and has nowhere to store it. Whatever the reason, you now have a 40 lb. hunk of metal and wheels in your home, so you may as well give it a spin.
Cheaper than a car. This may seem obvious, but yeah, bicycles cost a lot less than cars. Unless you’re buying a bike made for an Olympian and a car made for an infant, the two don’t even compare. No insurance, oil, tire rotations, cup holder tune-ups… I don’t know what cars cost, I don’t own one. I do know they cost a bunch. With a bike, aside from air in the tires and a little check up now and then, there’s not much upkeep.
Adorable bell, basket, and tassels. What? Not planning on putting tassels on your bike handles? You’re missing out. There’s still hope yet, though. Accessories are key when it comes to bike ownership. Sure, you can decorate a car, but ain’t no one putting a baby blue basket on the front of their car or a horn shaped like a rubber ducky. With a bicycle, you can wave your flag, any flag, high and with pride!
Anyone can do it. If I can somewhat successfully ride a bike, then anyone can do it. Whether you’re smart, ugly, stupid, wearing glasses, holding a pound of spaghetti, or just got back from having an arm amputated, you can ride a bike! I can’t speak for those without legs, to be honest. I am sure there is some sort of bike add-on that allows for legless bikers, but it’s just not a path I’ve taken yet.
Excuse me while I go on Google, please.
You’ll be very glad to know that this exists:
Anyone can bike.
Exercise. Love exercise?! …hate it? Love/hate relationship with exercise? Biking gives you a nice little compromise. You’re exercising, but not really consciously. Unless you’re going up a steep hill, you probably won’t even realize that you’re doing something that’s healthy for you! The blood is flowing, the heart is pumping…. I mean, hopefully, these things are always happening, but biking increases these things. That’s good for you! According to bike salespeople all over the world. An average-sized human being burns 400-600 calories an hour biking at a normal pace. A freaky-sized mongoose burns less, but a foot-sized cockroach burns more!
No parking. As long as there’s a pole where you’re going, you have a parking spot. You can settle for a thin tree or a small child. Those public parking garages give me nausea, so I am very happy that parking a bike does not require driving in circles and never knowing what will be around the corner. Suspenseful horror never appealed to me.
Hitting someone is less serious. You will probably hit someone at some point. Or is that just me? It happens! Stop judging my abilities. I was distracted, she was slow… things are hard. Point being, IF you do hit someone, you’ll get a mean glare and maybe hear an expletive or two. Seriously, no matter how nice the person looks, people really get a potty mouth when your bike tire runs over their heel. Sidewalk rage is even worse than road rage!
Don’t have to drive people. People are always complaining about being a “chauffeur”, right? Well, no one has ever asked me for a ride! Maybe that’s because I get distracted and run people over. While this is possible, it is also uncommon for two people to share one bike. Unless it’s one of those tandem bikes. I saw a guy on one of those the other day. He was alone.
Oh, and here, I made something. It’s a Channing Tandem Bike.
Don’t ask me why he doesn’t have eyes.
Less provocation to misbehave. What is it about cars that makes people want to do stupid things? Some people eat while driving, or text, and some people STILL drink and then drive. Other people weight lift, give birth, and study the food pyramid while driving. Seriously, just stop. Whatever it is you’re doing, wait until you get to the hospital.
Bikers aren’t as likely to do these things. Probably because you’re more open and vulnerable. If you’re doing something stupid, someone will see it and put the kibosh on it. Not gonna lie, I’ve been looking for an excuse to use the word “kibosh” for weeks now.
Discovering new/old hood. You know what’s pretty cool about biking? Aside from the fact that cool people like me do it…. That you don’t have to go that far in order to feel like you’re really exploring. You can bike around new places, old places… and get to know the area in which you live and see everything you may not have noticed before. You’ve got the wind blowing your hair around and a camera to capture pretty sights, then you can stop at an unfamiliar tea or coffee spot for a snack (after your healthy ride) and feel like a tourist taking in your neighbourhood as you never have before.
It’s true, the benefit of living outside New York is that you get to LOOK at New York.
And there’s a lighthouse in Jersey City, apparently. I don’t know.
A little danger and mystery. If you’ve been looking for a new way to spice up your life, biking may be the answer. You never know what bumpy roads, weird classmates from high school, and shady parts of town you might encounter. These aren’t always desirable, and very avoidable, but when you need a kick of life and reality, why not do something real daring? Like me.
Feeling inspired yet? I hope so! I know I am. Put on your cool helmet, hop on your tricked out bike, and get going!!
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