Droppin’ the VBurger

There is not much one can do to recover from a panic attack. There are so many emotions and thoughts stirred. Talking and healing is the only treatment… or eating until you can’t move or breathe.

Of course, I chose the latter! Olé! 

VBurger: simple name, simple look, simple food. Where’s the negative in there? Nowhere.

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Not to mention, VBurger shares a space with a hummus/falafel restaurant at 185 Broadway in New York City. Imagine buying a veggie burger, then turning around and buying falafel. Then combining the two for a mouth explosion of deliciousness! That is, if VBurger is as good as my mind decided it better be. After all, I was starving and in a bad mood.

I was already pleased at the options, though. A bunch of burger/salad/fry options, as well as some yummy-looking whoopie pies and kombucha on tap. Just typing the word “kombucha” makes my skin sag a little, but some people are into that. I can dig… or pretend to dig. Whatever you need from me, I’ll emotionally support you. Honestly, though, I already want to come back to try a cannoli or a “milk”shake.

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See? Hummus. Burgers. Hummus. Burgers…. Burgers. Hummus. It’s just so natural and beautiful. I also like that it really has that fast food feeling to it. Call me crazy, but there’s something nice about doing what most people do; walking into a fast food joint and ordering up a burger. I haven’t been able to do that in 14 years. Except, I didn’t get 7000 calories of food for $4, and the place didn’t stink of grease, fried rat parts, and heart attacks. There was no overwhelming smell, so I didn’t feel ashamed of myself. That’s pretty much key in the framework of a successful vegan restaurant. Eat shamefully but feel healthy because it’s vegan. That’s the ENTIRE concept.

I also skipped the gym in order to get this meal, so everything is seriously topsy-turvy. I don’t know what came over me. Aside from hunger and hypoglycemia fits. Nearly Hulk-smashed them tables. Rather than doing this, though, I went to order food.

Here comes the problem- I had to wait. Practically forever, really. It was insane and I was mad, and I was sitting at my table glaring at the cashier lady. She gave me a little buzzer thingy for when my food was ready, but with my luck, I would miss it and my food would be thrown out and I’d cry. I held my buzzer tightly, but not too tightly, so as to not break it, and I watched the girl intently.

I waited. And waited. And then I waited some more.

Then I noticed the table had a footnote:

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Oh, good.

You know the old saying, “So clean, Jason Schwartzman could bowl off of it.” (Another New York celebrity I’ve spotted. And he’s into vegan food!)

Bowling-lane

I’m really just going to keep doing these “celebrity sightings” until you stop laughing and yell at me that it’s not funny anymore.

I apologize for that.

Still waiting for my food…. I think I lost weight in the time I was waiting. I think I was beginning to resemble a pogo stick; my thin body only recognizable by the two arms sticking out and reaching out desperately for nourishment.

Finally, I buzzed. Well, I didn’t know I buzzed. I was so caught up in my bowling fantasy that I missed the buzz.

DARNIT!

The cashier called my name and smiled. I ran to her like a child into the light at the end of the tunnel. The bowling lane tunnel, to be clear. You know, when the ball gets stuck and you get this sudden delusion that you know anything about bowling allies, so you assume you can remove your ball without losing an arm…. So, that’s how I ran to her, but I just took my tray and sat down.

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Shaboomski! I have foodski! Totally saving unchik’n for last. That one looks GOOD!

1- Classic Burgerrrrr- Ate it whole and felt no loss of burgerdom. Wonderful, big, satisfying bite. Tasty.

2- Einstein burger- Cauliflower with organic lettuce, tomato, pickles and house sauce. It’s gluten-free, so, you know… it’s less gluten-y.  This one has a little kick. I tried the bun, sauce, and burger separately this time. The cauliflower burger patty thing definitely had a vegan aftertaste, but the sauce had a nice, strong flavour.

Bread was fine. Meh. Too much bread fluff. Don’t worry- I nibbled some off and was happy.

I liked the stick in my burgers. It made me feel like I was eating something fancy…or in a deli…or eating a really tall burger like the cool kids in those eating contests

Now, let’s see if I was right. Did I save best for last?

3- Yes. Yes, I did. This is the one. The winner. I loved the Fried Unchik’n Sandwich! (Dipped in chickpea batter and served fried on a burger bun with lettuce, tomato, pickles and Vsauce.)

I’m not a burger kind of gal, but this I get. It’s like one day being like, “Pauly Shore? Yeah. I’ll buy it.”
Pauly Shore fried and put in a bun with avocado.

The sauce was still good, but totally unnecessary. And, let me remind you, this 3-slider sampler was only $8.95. That’s a pretty sweet deal.

As much as I enjoyed these burgers, I don’t want to rush and give them a 10. I haven’t had a non-packaged veggie burger in forever, so I need to first try more before I assume these are perfect. Sorry. I will come back and re-evaluate them once I’ve explored a bit, though.

Also, I love a good website/Twitter, and these guys are not creating the necessary social media bidnezz that I so enjoy. What’s up, guys? You can hire me! We’ll work on that.

Tune in next time when I review something else!

Rating: (For now) 8.5/10 unicorn hugs

Check out things you’re not eating right now:

http://www.vburgernewyork.com

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