I fell in love today. It was that kind of love that comes at you like a sneeze; it’s unexpected, but once you feel it, you can’t hide it.
As of now, I plan on moving at the end of the month. Thus, this brings me to Montrose Avenue in Williamsburg, Brooklyn to check out a room. Never before had Williamsburg really excited and enthused me like it does most young folks these days, to be honest. A room came up, though, one at a reasonable rate, so I came running. The place wasn’t bad. It was cute and convenient and all those goods things. Not entirely convinced, though, I told the current resident that I would get back to him whether I’m definitely interested or not.
Saying goodbye and stepping outside, the next step was to find a snack. If there’s a good snack joint, this raises desirability 60%. Fortunately, my phone informed me that there were two vegan options nearby. One was a donut shop (or doughnut shoppe, if you wish) and one was a diner.
Well, you know where this is going.
I walked into Dun-Well Doughnut and my eyes widened. This couldn’t all be vegan, could it? Sure, they had animal rights posters and stickers and pamphlets, but certainly, such a large and pricey establishment couldn’t thrive on dairy and egg-free products alone, could it?
Too ashamed of my ignorance to just ask the friendly cashier, I went to my phone. I tried to play it cool and act like I was texting a friend. Maybe I was saying something trendy like, “Hey, where u @? Come 2 dnought shop!” or something super hip like, “Hey instagram @ dunwell #blessed”
Alas, I was just researching the shop to see if everything was vegan. It was. Every. Single. Item. My eyes glazed over, my mouth boston-cremed, my eyes were oozing jelly. I hadn’t had a donut since about 1836… maybe even before that. Not only were the donut options endless, they had SO MUCH MORE!
I mean, they even had an egg cream! That’s such a beautiful thing. What’s a Jew without an egg cream? Jeggless, that’s what.
Admittedly, I let the Chosen People down. I wasn’t wasting any time or substituting any donuts. A donut was happening, no “ifs”, “ands”, or “Oy veys” about it. But, wait, what’s this? Doughnut Sundae, you say? Oh, yes…. That is, a donut (of your liking) with ice cream on top. The choices were creamsicle or chocolate. Well, creamsicle was tempting, but atop my chunky peanut butter donut, nothing but chocolate ice cream would do. Orange and peanut butter combined is just heart disease waiting to happen. Heart disease, in my opinion of its definition, means that you’re so disappointed with dessert that your heart stops working. It continues to not work until you die. You die a slow death with your mouth reeking of orangey peanut butter. Don’t let it happen to you.
I was then asked if I wanted chocolate syrup on top. I replied, “Duh.” and all was well. Aside from her probably spitting in my syrup due to my “duh.” I don’t blame her.
Tragically, paying took forever. I nearly cried as I watched my ice cream mountain drip down itself like a tsunami upon Godzilla as he drowns at the end of Titanic. I forgave her, though, since I nearly broke her paying machine thingy. We were even.
Grabbing my sweet, little sundae bowl, I ran over to the tables and ate. I ate with reckless abandon (whatever that means.) The ice cream was mostly in one piece. It was chocolatey, it was the perfect texture, and it didn’t overpower anything. The donut was a work of art. The peanut flavour held its own, the dough didn’t wilt under the melting properties of the ice cream… the donut tasted like a donut. A happy donut with dancing feet. Before it could dance away, I ate it. It screamed. I wish I felt bad, but I don’t.
Needless to say, my donut experience in Williamsburg was incredible. Simply delicious. Anyone who loves donuts, whether vegan or not, can appreciate these doughy treats. I highly recommend them!
Tune in next time when I review something else!
Rating: 10/10 unicorn hugs
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