There comes a time in every adult’s life when they must eat something other than sweets. Today, that time came. There is a Kosher Vegan Latin Restaurant on St. Mark’s Place (NYC), and I had to try it or die! And, since food is not usually worth dying over, I chose to try it.
Brave? You could say that. Remarkable? Most certainly. These are all words you could use to describe me, but that’s not what we’re here for…. Unless it is. I could go all day!
V-Spot came highly recommended by my older brother. He is also a vegan. Would I forsake my brother and cast aside his recommendation!? Typically, yes. His taste in food isn’t very good. However, after passing this restaurant several times, my curiosity piquing and my taste buds sweltering, I decided it was time to face the inevitable: I would have to take myself out to eat some Kosher Vegan Latin food!
Before going to V-Spot, I had to complete one task and one task only. I was holding in my purse precious cargo and it was time to set the beast free. In my purse I had a 2-month-old foster kitten named Taffy. His new family was coming to pick him up. Of course, as I fought back tears and extreme hunger, the new family was taking FOREVER to arrive. A text here, a text there, a subtly anxious text everywhere, and finally the kitten was taken away. Never to be seen or heard from again! (Actually, the new family wants to stay in touch. Yay!)
Say goodbye to Taffy
Aw, how cute. He’ll be missed. Now, time to eat!
Approaching V-Spot, I was very familiar with my surroundings. I felt smart knowing just where to go. This is rare for me. Of course, as soon as I stepped my foot inside the doorway, I was informed that I was entering the middle of the restaurant. Not only this, but I was entering what was technically just the space where two large windows were opened. I was trying to go in through the window! Typical. Finally I found my way in and awkwardly found a seat for myself, since no one offered to seat me.
I was fairly promptly given menus and my very own bottle of water. It may have been tap water, but it was for me and me alone, and that made me feel welcomed. I’ll even forgo the detail that the water was room temperature.
It was a pretty small place, but I found it difficult to get the waiter’s attention. I must have tried at least 16 different sighs, whines, yawns, and noisy re-positionings before someone finally came for my order. All I wanted was one Colombian empanada and one dish of maduro with curry sauce. It turns out, maduro is another way of saying plantains. I learned something new!
While waiting for my order, I admired the organic wine/beer bar, the cool wall plant things, and the kombucha conga line on the counter upfront. I wonder what it would be like to have a bar of only kombucha. What would the pick up lines be like?
Her: Hey, I hope you’re not yeast, ’cause you’re growing on me
Him: Are you bacteria? Because I want to be covered in you!
Fortunately, the food arrived mid-deep thought and my excitement for edible stuff got me out of my daze.
I immediately went for the Colombian empanada. How Latin! How exotic! I also could have gotten a Philly Empanada, but I was in a Latin restaurant in New York City, what kind of person orders a Philly empanada? The Colombian empanada contains potatoes, carrots, onions, corn, and “Latin seasoned” house-made seitan. Heck if I know what those Latin seasons are. It wasn’t spicy, so I’m guessing it was just some dandruff from a Latin guy. Either way, it was quite a delicious treat. What I mostly tasted was the corn, but the corn with the crunchy exterior was muy delicioso. The sauce they offered was something like a Tabasco, but a little spicier and with a little Latin flair. It was good! I ate half my empanada and moved onto the plantains.
Let me start by saying that they were good. They were sweet and soft. Unfortunately, though, I love everything to be crunchy. So, when I found my maduro was not crispy at all, I was a little bummed. After 6 pieces or so, I was also over-sweeted. Plantains are very sweet, so this appetizer is probably best for sharing if you have a sensitive tongue. Fortunately, my tongue is insensitive, it calls ‘little people’ midgets. Therefore, I need lots of flavour, lots of heat, and lots of spices to really get a sense of things. Needless to say, I ate all them suckers up. Shoutout to the curry sauce it came with, by the way. Although the plantains didn’t soak up the flavour at all, it was still a delicious addition, and a savoury contrast to the sweeties.
Finally, after another battle to get the waiter’s love and attention (I’m needy!) I finally requested the Mexican Spiced Cookie. The real reason for my visit. My excitement was at full capacity. That is, until the waiter informed me that they only had chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip. Not Mexican Chip or Colombian Spicy Empanada Chip Cookie… just a stupid ol’ chocolate chip cookie. It had to be good, though, right? After all, it was $4 a piece!
Well…. So, the cookie wasn’t quite what I had in mind. It was definitely a cookie, don’t get me wrong. Nope, no doubt about that. It was certainly a chocolate. chip. cookie. I think this cookie just needed to take a vacation, get some thrill and excitement in him, then come back to be eaten. He was puny, had the aftertaste of a plastic mixing bowl that wasn’t washed out well, and there was one bite of him that tasted as salty as a salty thing.
Vegans: We need to unite and learn how to properly use salt in bite-sized pieces. Which is not the same as bite-sized candy bars. Salt should go undetected. Come together as a community and fight this widespread epidemic. For one dollar a day…. No. Just, careful on the salt, guys. My mouth was utterly flabbergasted.
I will admit, after spending $13 on this snack, I went home still starving for dinner. Ain’t that a shame. Still, it was a unique experience, and quite tasty. I am sure I will go back at some point for a full meal and more empanadas. I will get my Mexican Spiced Cookie yet!
Tune in next time when I review something else!
Rating: 7.5/10 unicorn hugs
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